Have I actually developed neuralgia, though?

Underneath my left eye I have developed a twitching pain spasm. My eyes are not bloodshot or particularly watery, I haven’t got a bruise or done anything to it, it goes away for hours at a time and because of all these things it is deeply worrying to me.

I don’t usually google my symptoms, but I had to this time because I was genuinely unsure whether to go to the doctor or not. Can you legitimately turn up at a doctor’s office and say “I have a pain, sometimes, that seems to have no effect on my life and appears to be caused by nothing? By the way, I am a diagnosed sufferer of anxiety and depression, so it all might be in my head.” Apparently I probably have diabetes, multiple sclerosis or shingles – which is surprising, since the internet usually tells you that you have cancer. I was all ready to ignore cancer and read the other stuff, but it turns out you don’t have shooting face pains for no reason, and that they’re right about it usually being the left side.

I am sort of refusing to accept that it is anything. I believe it to be psychosomatic until it hits me, when I am convinced I have some kind of grotesque infection that will result in me losing an eye. Sometimes I think there is a tapeworm living in my eye and eating it from the back, but even when I think this I know it is ridiculous. I don’t want to go to the doctor about it – what will I do if it’s nothing and I have to just live with it? What will I do if it’s something and I have to deal with it? I have decided an appropriate compromise is to go to the optician’s. I don’t need new glasses so they’d better not tell me that my prescription has changed, but at least I can be sure they will take an x-ray of my eye before they tell me to go away.

Anyway, here is a beautiful play about health and love and possibility and the futility of human life. I saw it in London with Louise Brealey and Joe Armstrong, and it is truly wonderful.

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theexjournalist

I gave up journalism and took up writing.

2 thoughts on “Have I actually developed neuralgia, though?”

  1. Have it checked out for peace of mind – letting your imagination answer these questions for you will just result with wild ideas like alien larvae, which would ultimately cause more anxiety. It could just be a vitamin deficiency coupled with anxiety. Or it could be a troupe of travelling muppet performers who had a bad experience with a miniaturisation ray and are now trying to make the best of their situation but really can’t stop singing Mahna Mahna 😉 (cause imagination can take you everywhere) X

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    1. OMG it’s definitely muppets!! I have an eye appointment for next weekend, I’m going to get them to check it out and maybe send me on if I’m not crazy. Or if I am crazy, just to a different department xxx

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