Today, I am tired. Dog tired, tired of life, tired to my bones… all the kinds of tired there are. That really scuppers my plans! I wanted to go from work to university tonight and spend hours in the library, bashing out one of my essays until I had at least doubled the words I have at the moment. I had planned for today – hard graft. Saturday – up early, hard graft to the finish. Friday – swim and sleep. Sunday – run at the essay for my other module (which I have started, and have researched for, but need to begin writing more than a skeleton and quotes). Monday – more of the same.
I’m having to sit and think of things to be proud of myself today. They are there: I have actually got tonnes done at my work, stuff my line manager and another staff member asked; I am ready to get back and blitz it for the afternoon. I have tidied, helped several students and changed a display. I made it to work despite grotesque struggles with public transport (y u have a fire at Regent’s Park station, TfL??). I have achieved things, things that needed to be done and things that nobody else would have done.
What I am going to do now, for the sake of my physical and mental health (as well as my stress levels) is move rest day to today, and remind myself that I am not wasting my life, I am not shirking, that it is more productive to banish the tiredness now and work on my essay tomorrow. The importance of resting has been something I have not recognised until now, and it makes me feel lazy and like I will not deserve the meagre grade I am destined for. But I am so sleepy I just spelled ‘meagre’ and ‘grade’ wrong, and it is more productive to have one day of rest and one day of amazing work than it is to have two days of substandard zombie work.
This is me today. I have managed to alphabetise things and sort out very important orders and tidy despite wanting to crawl into a cold lake, hooray.
- Send off application for DREAM JOB (it’s already been proof-read by three people, I can do no more).
- Swim. Just a half-hour swim is SO manageable.
- Eat a healthy evening meal.
- Post an instagram.
- Avoid politics, social planning and controversial discussion. Probably no facebook.
- Get an early night!